Title: Zombio

Also known as:

Year: 1999

Genre: Independent / Zombie / Splatter

Language: Portuguese

Runtime: 45 min

Director: Peter Baiestorf

Writer: Peter Baiestorf


A strange lady awakens a small horde of zombies who attack a young couple. The couple, who just arrived at the place, have to face these horrible flesh-eating monsters, but after each attack it gets harder and harder to stay alive.

Our thoughts:
First of all, I need to mention that I watched this without subtitles, but I'm having a hard time believing it would be alot better with. It just didn't seem like there was alot of serious discussions going on. Anyway..
The film starts out like it should; containing nudity within the first 10 minutes. Since I have no idea what they are saying, I need to focus on what they are doing, and sex/nudity is a language everyone knows.. and likes. I think they are going on a trip to a small island. After they've arrived, a weird evil-looking lady is saying some jibberish (to me), and this happens to wake the dead. I don't know what she is saying, but apparently it works. The zombies are coming from the ground but they were obviously not six feet down, but rather just under some dirt and leafs. They quickly attack the couple (often while a heavy soundtrack of black and death metal is playing). The rest of the film is basicly just zombies attacking them and often dying. We have a scene where one is hacked to pieces by a machete, and when they throw away a bone it's very easy to notice that the bone is waaay to large to be from a human. Newbie mistake; not using actual human bones when filming. Pff. The film has it's ups and downs, and one large down side is a character in the film. It's a dude running around in a Easter witch-esque costume. Maybe it's essential to the plot, but since I don't understand what they are saying, this just made a stupid film even more stupid. But it's not all bad, we have a nice variety of zombies. Hell, we have on looking almost like Leatherface, one looking like Grandpa (as in Leatherface's grandpa), one looking like a monster monkey, and one that is obviously a rip-off of (or tribute to) the famous maggoty zombie in Lucio Fulci's "Zombi 2". Not enough to please you? One also reminded me of a zombie in "Dawn Of The Dead". Basicly, if you hate this film you can still have alot of fun trying to figure out what you think the zombies look like. Plenty of slaughtering is going on and we eventually end up at the next strange scene. The evil lady has milk pumping from her veins, and the zombies gather around to drink it. Weird? Not as weird as the lady transforming into a octopus/crab zombie monster with a "Bad Karma"-ish monster as an arm. Terrible, terrible scene.

The effects are okay I suppose. The shitty quality of the rip makes most things look better than what they are, so I'm just praying that this film will never get a DVD release (if it has one, please tell me it's bad quality?), because good quality would ruin any good effect in here and make it shit. My rating below is of how good the effects would be with good quality. We have rotten zombies rather than zombies that are just painted blue, and the film involves plenty of intestines. When I say intestines, I mean sausages. I literally saw sausages when they ripped stuff out of the belly. Great effect, guys!

When all is said and done, this is a low budget film most likely made by a group of friends, and it's pure trash cinema. It's not good, but the amount of zombie action makes it atleast watchable, and with the company of a beer and a friend, you could have alot of fun. The movie reminded me alot of "Burial Ground", a favorite of mine that has alot of zombie action and pretty decent looking zombie masks (even though they are obviously that, masks). I think you know what you are getting yourself into if you are watching this, so there's no need for me to tell you who would like it and who wouldn't.

Positive things:
- Could very well inspire people to go out and shoot films.
- Zombies!
- Not much of a plot. I think. I didn't have subtitles. But this is a good thing because it would've failed.
Negative things:
- They had an actress who was willing to show her body, so why didn't they have more nudity in the film?

Gore: 2/5
Nudity: 0.5/5
Story: 0.5/5
Effects: 1/5
Comedy: 2.5/5

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