Title: Schoolgirl Report vol. 5

Also known as:
Schoolgirl Report Part 5: What All Parents Should Know
Naughty Freshmen
Schulmädchen-Report 5. Teil - Was Eltern wirklich wissen sollten
Skolepigesex og frække drenge
Lo que los padres deberían saber
Uusi koulutyttöraportti no. 2
Chaleurs profondes
Ap' ta thrania noiosame ton erota
Il comportamento sessuale delle studentesse

Year: 1973

Genre: Sexploitation / Mockumentary / Comedy / Drama

Language: German

Runtime: 86 min

Director: Ernst Hofbauer, Walter Boos

Writer: Günther Hunold, Kurt Seelmann, Günther Heller

IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070649

The heart and the loins of young women is a wild and untamed world where the woman discover and explore their budding sexuality. The notorious "Schoolgirl Report" series is back for a fifth volume to see what it is that young women desire.

Our thoughts:
You know, recently I've been thinking to myself, "Hey, you're life is not awkward and uncomfortable enough. Why not return to the 'Schoolgirl Report' series and review some more installments?"

Of course I thought this was a great idea, and after spending way too much time congratulating myself on the idea -- because I needed the self-esteem boost -- I cracked open "Schoolgirl Report 5". Of course, I instantly regretted all the decisions I've made in my life once I hit play.

Just like the previous four volumes, "Schoolgirl Report 5" is a collection of various stories about schoolgirls and their sexual awakening. There's no through line in this installment that involves adults getting together and telling these stories and there are no interviews either. Just the individual stories. Not a bad choice for the setup since it helps make the fifth volume feel a little less redundant.

And admittedly, saying I regretted all of the decisions I've made in my life as soon as I hit play was an exaggeration. I say that because I'm sure it wasn't completely obvious. Although it might not have been since I have said it before. Actually, I might have said it before in regards to a "Schoolgirl Report" film...But, anyway, this volume starts off well enough by having a girl fake an illness so she, and her two friends, could seduce a teacher when he takes her to a nearby barn.

Of course it ends with another teacher, and the rest of the class, catching them in the act. It's a lighthearted and goofy segment, which works best in the grand scheme of the "Schoolgirl Report" films. But it doesn't take long for the movie to take an awkward turn as the following segment features a girl, who is in the mood for love, decides to seduce her grandfather.

What's that thing you kids say? Boy, that escalated quickly?

Yes, it actually very quickly goes from awkward to uncomfortable -- at least I thought so, maybe deep down I'm just prude. Then again, in retrospect, the previous volumes had content that seemed a little less fucked, to put it bluntly. I mean, it's better than having a scene where they try to make a schoolgirl being raped at gunpoint seem erotic.

With that in mind, I tried not to dwell on the uneasiness of watching...that. The following segments kept things more light and even a bit comedic. Not counting the movie indulging in more incest fantasy sequences, but this time with a boy and his aunt. But nothing too terrible, so I was thinking this series finally hit a turning point and was going to try to keep things erotic instead of perverse and sleazy.

That was until we hit the final segment in which a young woman is gang raped by her classmates. The reason being because she went through a number of men in attempt to reignite the passion she felt during her first time. So not only are we back to this kind of unnecessary and alienating content, the narrator comes on with this bit of wonderful insight: "At eighteen she was raped by her classmates who saw in her a willing sex object. Is she the victim of a tragic chain of circumstances or was she inevitably bound to go down that road?"

Really? We're really going to go there? Trying to eroticize rape wasn't enough, but we're going to cap off with that statement? Goddamn.

Don't worry though! It's made okay because her story and the movie ends with this bit of wisdom: "...because schoolgirls are like all women. They want to be with the beloved physically one day for the sake of love that dominates the world."

Poor grammatical structure aside (the quote is verbatim)...what the fuck is that? I thought maybe with this fifth volume, the "Schoolgirl Report" films had finally changed directions and were going to produce an installment that was enjoyable. Nope. Instead it's the same old thing: awful shifting tone, poor attempts at justifying sleaze and trying to make inappropriate content seem erotic. Again, maybe I'm just being uptight but I don't have a desire to see rape being made erotic. I especially don't want to see scenes of rape next to Benny Hill-esque comedy sketches. That shit's just too damn polarizing and weird to be enjoyable.

Positive things:
- Meh.

Negative things:
- Hey, let's include a scene of a girl being gang raped and say she deserved it for sleeping around! That's erotic and works well with comedic content, right?

Gore: 0/5
Nudity: 3.5/5
Story: 2/5
Effects: 0/5
Comedy: 1/5

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